When I started writing this blog in September I really had no idea what direction it’d take, I just knew I wanted to get lots down ‘in print’ – share some of my thoughts and maybe help others find a way to cope with some of the things life throws their way – I hope it’s reading Ok and not driving you mad that I leap all over the place!
I’ve been to a football match today, most unusual for me in recent years, but also most enjoyable. I had quite a long chat after the match about my solitary Christmas and some of the things I have planned for 2015. That’s taken my thoughts back to 2011 the year I had to get used to being single as well as a mother who’d lost a child.
I’ve spoken before about how I found living alone and then with Jake once he’d decided to come and live in the little house I was renting. That was really the 1st year I got used to going off and doing things I wanted to do alone, and as you’e probably gathered a lot of those things revolved and still do so around sport.
However a last minute fancy in the early summer of 2011 was a Take That concert at Wembley Stadium; I am now going to confess to having been a Take That fan from almost Day 1 – I do like the odd boy band. With my earliest memory of such things being the Osmonds – ooh I was a big fan! So, perhaps a mould was set early on.
I think that summer was the 1st time I realised that buying a ticket for one was so much easier than trying for more. I parted with I think, 99 of my English Pounds, well via my credit card anyway! Having made my plans for a late night trip home away from a big venue I set off for Wembley.
My Mum lived near Denham; a short train ride from Wembley, so driving around there to then go back to her house seemed to be a good plan. The plan fell to pieces for a while when I had a puncture in the fast lane of the M25 – not the best of experiences for a lady alone, dressed in 5 inch heels and a halter neck dress – I must have looked odd standing at the side of the road! Thank goodness it was a glorious day and that an AA man was only 15 minutes away!
Another thing to be more than happy about was that I actually had a spare tyre of sorts! I’ve since learnt to my cost that not all cars have such a thing! However this time I did have what was needed, so was on my way quite quickly once all the embarrassing toot in my boot had been moved out of the way! I’d like to say I’ve learnt my lesson on that – but nope, I haven’t!
I arrived at the stadium to join 85000 other people; now I knew my husband and his lady of that time were going to be there but wasn’t too worried. I got a text once I sat down from him to ask where I was sitting. Then a tap on my shoulder! He was sitting literally right behind me! His ‘company’ wasn’t there but goodness she was displeased when it was pointed out by him where ‘my wife’ was sitting. A wise word here; if you find yourself in a similar situation, use the name not ‘my wife’ that’s bound to upset!
The concert was wonderful, more of a show actually than a concert as such. Robbie Williams was back in the fold for a while and had his own set; he sang Angels which made me cry; I was very aware of who was behind me and tried to be discrete when I fished for a tissue. Being the sophisticate I am, I only had toilet tissue, so pulled out a long line which was spotted by Bob. In retrospect I guess it was only right that he asked me if I was Ok. It tuned out that it wasn’t Ok for the burgeoning relationship, that night was to prove then end of their ‘friendship’ as he’d apparently spent the whole evening ‘looking at her’ (me that is) very hard not to do when someone’s right in front of you!
I thoroughly enjoyed my evening in spite of the stupid coincidence of having an awkward situation behind me; it was possibly the 1st of what has become many solo ventures into a large crowd. I left Wembley, made my way to the train then back to my car that I’d left in a light, safe place. It has to be said station car parks don’t always feel the safest place to be so in this instance I chose the street.
Those sorts of events gave me the chance and opportunities to spend time with my Mum; I’m so incredibly grateful I stayed with her as often as I did in the 3 years I had as a single lady before she died. And in a way it was such a circumstance that meant it was me who found her the day she passed away. Fate playing its part in life maybe.
So, to a degree an amusing tale this evening, but one with a bit of a message too. Step out of your comfort zone at times; don’t rely on others to make your happiness. One of Luke’s ‘messages’ was –
There’s More To Life Than Watching Others Live It
I try to live my life with those words in my head, life should be about making memories not just surviving and passing your days wishing you’d done things. In spite of losing Luke I can honestly say I’m happy, I will always have a deep sadness but that ‘smile a day’? I use that title here because my smile really is never far away.