it’s been a really hectic and enjoyable summer for me, I’ve met lots of people at the various sporting events (mostly cricket) I’ve been to. When you spend what can be hours sitting next to someone you often swap stories.
I’ve mentioned before but many times I’ve had that – how many kids do you have? question and I’ve answered it as I always do – ‘I have 2, a daughter Alex who lives in Paris and a son Jake who lives with me. But I also always say I lost my oldest son Luke 6 years ago, people have at times not known how to react but I’ll never leave my boy out.
One of the people I spoke to at cricket said to me wasn’t anger a useful thing to have? I’ve touched on feeling hate before – but goodness no, neither emotion is a good one to have, they can only eat you up from the inside! When Luke died I was angry with the Foreign Office for not at the least keeping track of him, it was a useful emotion then, it helped me to feel alive. But that feeling soon dissipated.
I’ve been prompted to write this evening by a comment by a bereaved mother who’s annoyed by listening to other mothers worrying about their son/daughter going away to university, saying how much they’ll miss them, how hard it’ll be. Now, those feelings are 100% normal – should I not miss my daughter who lives in Paris because I know I can see her? We have to allow others to have the natural and normal worries that everyone has.
Others worries don’t become meaningless because we’ve lost a child. It does feel like the very worst thing, but it isn’t a competition to see whose hurt is the worst, whose heart is broken more.
This is all something of a rambling post, while I’m at it I’m going to go on about positive thinking and attitude again. With days spent at sport I can honestly say that to a man/woman every person I’ve smiled at has smiled back. I honestly do believe that smiling is its own self fulfilling prophecy – it not only makes you look better, it makes you feel better too.
I do understand that depression is an illness, something that needs professional help, but, if you’re just feeling low, have had hurt, try to find a reason to smile, it will make you feel so much better.
Just a quick one this evening – thoughts to get off my mind – Yes I’ve lost my son, but I’m honestly happy – and that’s ok!