Here we are in May already – it’s amazing how quickly time flies when you’re enjoying yourself! My ‘other; blog 365 Sporting Days has kept me busy to say the least! The writing for sure, but of course going to all the sporting events most of all.
As always lots of travelling leads to lots of thinking time, Luke is on my mind every day and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve felt terribly sad at times, I’m sure I’ve said it before, it would be very wrong if I didn’t feel that way at times.
There have been a couple of terribly sad things happen in the last 6 weeks or so; a colleague arrived home one Friday evening to find the police on her doorstep, her 23 year old son had been found dead sitting in his chair in front of his computer at university.
I have lost a son just like her, yet I can’t begin to imagine how awful that must have been, to add to the terrible grief the post mortem has revealed no reason at all for his sudden death. It seems almost obscene that a young fit man can be here one moment gone the next.
She came back to work a couple of weeks ago, I felt very privileged that she came to see me, we shared a hug or 2 and spoke about how things had been. I mentioned the concept of New Normal to her, it’s such early days, but I really hope she allows herself to find her New Normal in time. I have a feeling she will.
The 2nd cause for sadness was the sudden death of Danny Jones – a rugby league player with the Keighley Cougars – he was playing against London Skolars, one of my season ticket teams. By pure chance I chose not to go to the game that day, I went to meet a good Twitter friend Charles to watch his son Connor play in an Under 15’s tournament at Harrow School.
Danny was 29 and the father of twins, he collapsed as he was leaving the field and couldn’t be resuscitated. From a totally selfish point of view I was relieved that I’d chosen not to go that day. Again a horrible traumatic sequence of events for all involved especially of course his family.
I’m not too sure where I’m going with all this, here are 2 families who have very hard times ahead, all of the anniversaries to go through, the times when it only seems possible to cry, times of total and absolute disbelief that these young men are no longer here.
I often look at photos of Luke and get what I can only describe as a gut feeling wrench and I almost say to myself how can this be true? But, it is true and my first born son will be forever 21. And yet I’ve found my New Normal, well the version that is my New Normal at this point in time.
And on the whole that New Normal is a happy place, I’m rarely without a smile, and it’s amazing you know, smile at someone and it’s really hard for them not to smile back! Have a go, I dare you, say good morning to a stranger, not many will ignore you and not return at least a surprised smile.
Positivity draws positivity in return, in sounds corny, but it’s true. There are all sorts of inspiring sayings to be found on line – in general I confess that I really love them, it’s almost like looking for happy, I regularly look them up.
I totally believe that we’re in charge of our own happiness, there will be outside factors that affect that state of mind, but personally I’m really determined to live the life my boy can’t and with a smile on my face.
An odd blog from me this time, just throwing a few thoughts out there in between manic sports writing. 8 games of rugby league ahead for me this weekend – I’ll watch every minute of every game, meet some lovely people, shout a lot (at the rugby, not the people) and laugh loads. If you’re not happy in your life? Do your very best to change what’s in your power, we get one go at this.
One of Luke’s favourite sayings
Life is not the amount of breaths you take
It’s the moments that take your breath away
I’ll leave you with that thought this evening.